Two Powerful Communication Strategies to Get What You Want

Please Don't Make the Same Mistake…

Part of Skyrocketing NP practice requires exploring what you want out of your career and persuasively communicating your aspirations. Then, the right recipe can get you the support you need to reach your goals.

About two years ago, I wanted two things. First, I wanted three days off to attend an annual conference. Second, I needed five days off to complete a live suturing training workshop as part of a formal NP first assist course.

I was super excited because the education department where I worked had enough funding to cover these days off as educational days. So the time off would not come off my PTO!

The catch was that approval was at the discretion of my former boss. So, the only thing I needed was his signature of approval. Easy! So I thought.

I waited to speak to him and ask for his signature and support to attend.

It was Monday at 7:30 a.m., and I walked into his office. I directly asked him for his support and signature to attend the three-day conference and the five-day suturing course. Almost at lighting speed, he raised his voice, said he would not approve any of my educational requests, and that not even the surgeons got approval for educational leave unless they had a poster to present. Plus, "I was only a nurse practitioner." I was barely able to make a response. The truth is I was so upset I just became silent. Both educational opportunities mattered a great deal to me. His lack of support was very discouraging.

If I Could Turn Back Time

Unfortunately, we cannot rewind time. But in retrospect, I could have been better prepared. For example, anticipating my boss' response and preparing counter-arguments could have helped me better negotiate. The problem was I did not expect his reaction and was caught by surprise.

During that spontaneous crucial conversation, my brain became drunk with adrenaline. It was a fight or flight moment, and I chose to fly. But, unfortunately, I was ill-prepared to respond in a rational, cohesive, and persuasive way that could change his mind.

So lesson number one – be ready for the unexpected.

For example, I could have countered his response with the following arguments: I spearheaded a major departmental initiative, and attending the three-day conference was necessary to improve patient outcomes and patient safety. The department was actively looking to enhance these two outcomes measures, and my project was accomplishing both. On the other hand, I needed time off to learn how to improve my suturing skills. Mastering suturing skills improve OR efficiency, decreases surgeon burnout, and allows personal and professional growth.

But most important of all, I knew the department had available funding. I could have asked for a better rationale for why I could not take advantage of the available funding and how I could in the future increase my chances of using these educational funds.

Making these statements and asking questions could have helped him re-think his response.

Lesson number two – always answer- What's in it for them?

When asking for support or requests, think about how their support benefits them. Drafting requests so that the other party sees what's in it for them increases your probability of success. Negotiation comes down to communicating your needs in a way that makes sense to the other party. Remember always to be ready to answer - What's in it for them?

What I Do Today

Whenever I have to make a request, I always prepare for the unexpected, even if I am 100% certain that I deserve what I am requesting. Second, I am always ready to answer the 'What's in it for them?' question. That experience helped me grow exponentially. To date, I have successfully used what I learned many times over to improve my communication and negotiation skills.

Advanced preparation drastically increases your chances of success. Drafting requests and constantly thinking about how your requests can benefit the other party helps your odds of getting approval and support for your goals and aspirations. Knowing what the other party values and wants ahead of time is essential to negotiating. Address concerns and focus your request and conversation on how it can be beneficial to the other party.

Before making a request, answer the following:  

(1) What do I want for myself?

(2) What do I want for other parties? And

(3) How can it be beneficial for both?

Answering these questions can help you explore your motives and make your requests more appealing. In addition, finding mutual grown can motivate others to want to support you in your endeavors.